"Is it too much to ask
That I should be
Allowed to prove
God's gift of infinite variety
In human love?

Afoot and light-hearted I take to the open road,
Healthy, free, the world before me,
The long white path before me leading wherever I choose.
Henceforth I ask not good-fortune, I myself am good-fortune,
Henceforth I whimper no more, postpone no more, need nothing,
Done with indoor complaints, libraries, querulous criticisms,
strong and content I travel the open road."

I'm Trying My Best Not To Be All EMO, but...

I don't recall ever feeling this way. 

I never knew that something like a car accident would impact my life negatively so much. 

My grades are actually starting to slip because of this.

My social life has been severed, indefinitely.  I also haven't seen my best friends since forever.  The guys at Fullerton? It's not the same. I need James and Athar.  Not only do I feel alone, I feel lonely.

The love life? I won't discuss that just yet. ...maybe someday.  Let's just say, it REALLY sucks when you finally meet someone, you date them, you get to know them....then exactly 12 days later, your car gets taken away from you...all because some CostaGuadaMexiRican seventeen year old teenager didn't FUCKING YIELD WHEN HE WAS SUPPOSED TO.

I just miss my car in general. It's just property, I know, but I loved that car. It was my baby. I've had so many memories with it, and I took good care of that car...it was ALWAYS clean, both inside and out. It gave me the ability to discover Orange County, Hollywood, and San Diego, and everything it has to offer.

I'm currently depending on the generosity of my aunts to give me rides to school and to work. They've already given so much and it pains me everytime I'm in need of their help.  

It is becoming harder to live with the father. The only thing that's keeping me going is my confidence in the future.  ...But how can one be so optimistic when one lives under a controlling Pessimist?

And by the way, he thinks the accident is my fault.  In the two hours of lecture and blame I received the night of...never once did he say, "At least you're alright."

Although I know have many things to be grateful for, I can still say that my life right now is in a recession. 

So has it finally happened? Is this what it feels like to be, dare I say it, depressed?

So This Is What Happened...

...i can't believe that son of a bitch would actually tell his insurance company that it was MY fault...

Well, good thing I spoke with them first. They told me I had to do a recorded statement.  And so...I decided to wake up my script-reading skills:

The accident occurred last Saturday the 27^th, 8:15 at night.  I was going Eastbound on La Palma, I was on my way home from my choir concert from Biola University, driving on the left lane, which was closest to the oncoming traffic.  I’m really familiar with this street, I use it every time I go to work Therefore, I’m also familiar with the traffic lights on that street—they stay green for a good amount of time.

So as I was approaching the San Marino intersection,   I can  already see that I was approaching a green light.  I also noticed the oncoming traffic, which included the car of the party involved in the accident.  He was on his left turn lane, wanting to make a left on San Marino…maybe a u-turn, I’m not sure.   I maintained my speed of approximately 40 miles per hour, KNOWING that the other side wanting to make a left MUST YIELD on their green light. Because the other side doesn’t have a green arrow.

But unfortunately, the party involved didn't yield. And, what’s more unfortunate…was that it was already too late for me to do anything after realizing that he hadn’t.  Because literally  a second before impact, he attempted   to make   a rapid left, he instantly blocked my lane, which caused both our front left corners to collide.  My windshield cracked, my airbags deployed, I skidded about 30 feet from where the collision occurred. My car started to emit some smoke, so I got out of the car as soon as I could.  And What frustrates me is that he didn’t even give the slightest warning that he would make such a move...only that his left signal light was on.  Even still, his car was straight on his lane…it wasn’t even crawling to make a left.  It actually still puzzles me why he would attempt to beat me when I’m already that close to the intersection.  I know it doesn’t help to speculate, but I’m only guessing that he might not have seen me because he was only paying attention to the white pickup truck that was right in front of me, and was probably focused on making a left after the TRUCK passed…not noticing that I was behind it.  

And by the way, I should also mention even though he didn’t admit responsibility that night, I actually caught him telling one of the officers who assisted us, saying quote “I thought it was safe to go.”

And that's what I said to my insurance. They called me back later saying, "We are going to deny the other party's claim against you...obviously they were lying. In fact, because of that, THEIR insurance company has decided to waive your $1,000 deductible."

I’m just finding this a little more comical than upsetting, that he would actually have the nerve to present a statement that would dispute the truth.  It’s Black and White.    He failed to yield.   You know, my only fault in this incident, if ANY, would be that I made a mistake in ASSUMING that he would actually follow the rules of the road.  

As of now, the car is a total loss. We're just waiting to see exactly how much AAA will give us for the car. 

As of now, I have no car. 

Waiting to Breathe

Orange County smells like crap right now.

There are FOURTEEN fires in Southern California, quickly charring more than 200,000 acres.

These winds don't help much either. They're called Santa Ana winds, and they're carrying the embers of the fire and spreading them everywhere. And they're also carrying the smoke.  LA, OC, Riverside, San Bernardino, and San Diego...everywhere you go, you can see the smoke clouds. Today, they made the sun look orange. It was practically sunset at noon.  There's flying debris everywhere, with gusts up to 80 mph. The palm trees of Anaheim were bent out of shape.  One of my friend's houses was burnt down, and the windshield of my aunt's car was shattered due to a flying BRANCH of a tree. For the past two days, I've breathed in so much smoke that I can taste it on my tongue.

And then I go to Huntington beach with a friend tonight, thinking that the sea breeze would block the fumes from Ontario...but no. The winds carried the MALIBU fire's smoke too!

It sucks to be in SoCal right now.

Step 1.